The Blog Blog (as commissioned by the Hawthorne Foundation) (warning: expletives are included)

I wish you good luck at understanding even half of this...enjoy?

1. Security, airport, Italy? Maybe.
2. Mucho friendo at the airport...o
3. Flight: 1; Height: 25,000 ; Bite: none
4. The most cameras ever to exist in one place (400+?)
5. 6 hour layover, Panda Express all day long
6. "Do you see? That's weed."
7. Hit up the flight lounge
8. Someone got fired at Jamba......awkward
9. Flight 2: FLIGHT HARDER
10. It's raining cigarettes and daffodils
11. Volkswagen.....caravelle?
12. Jim stalled the car...again
13. On the road (not again)
14. Celeste struggles with ordering
15. To France we go. How Nice.
16. Book of questions
17. Novotel
18. Level up. +2 Hawthornes
19. Looooots of rain
20. Beach...lots o' rocks
21. Monaco traffic is a thing
22. Yacht yacht yaya ya yacht
23. FERRARI
24. Crazy drivers
25. Keaton as a child is cray
26. Duct tape is useful
27. It's raining! Quick, Noah, get the ark!
28. Gas station wifi is bae
29. No food, water, sleep...2 days
30. Damn Jim, back at it again with the white van (literally)
31. I don't smile in pictures? Meh...debatable.
32. Hotel? Motel? Holiday Inn?
33. "Puff dust is a gateway drug"
34. "Metaphorical cuddling"
35. I got my oooooown room
36. Pizza with Umberto and Rudolpha
37. Cristiana is a germaphobe of the highest degree (we are talking PhD level here)
38. I AM CLEAN THANK JÉSÜS
39. The whole room is wet
40. Black and white Italian soap operas
41. I didn't want eggs for breakfast...
42. Squeaky chairs
43. More rain, hip hip hooray
44. Indiana Jonesing the garage door
45. Jim is on a slip and slide
46. MORE WIFI
47. "The pizza is sideways"
48. "Hello Pisa we're here for your tower"
49. Chillin' in the backseat, minus Rebecca
50. Bigger Bonsai
51. "Oh fuck, that's a time lapse"
52. Puff puff puff puff COAT
53. "What's in the pocket? Pocket."
54. Grady's floppin' the flip
55. Not-so-private butt grope
56. Celeste dropped the tower
57. 'Stay off the grass' is relative
58. "Playboy, you wanna buy a watch?"
59. "Look at that boat, not in the water!"
60. Silence is rampant
61. Flica-flaca-Florence
62. Guantanamo Grady
63. I got the best room (little sliced strawberries)
64. Italians always being late like
65. The Devil took the holy water
66. Lady's gelato spiked with laxatives?
67. Celeste vs. guard. Guard wins
68. The fanciest of museums
69. 6 point something miles walked
70. Celeste is pregnant with HIM
71. "I don't share drinks"
72. Honk honk beep beep
73. U-Boats on the bridge?
74. Real life eBay
75. Gots me a wallet
76. Round 2: security guard got fired
77. Don't stop till the bus stop stop
78. Chillin' in the back seat part two
79. Carpet makes Celeste uncomfy
80. FREE FOOD FROM FLORENCE
81. Whoozy Jacuzzi not so whoozy
82. "Don't touch my elbow"
83. Shaved or unshaved thighs?
84. Boopin' the freckle
85. Is this a blog? Nah...
86. Upside downside leftside what?
86. "What is motem"
88. Steps to victory
89. "But dad, Alec jumped on the grate!"
90. Bad influence
91. T-minus 18 minutes
92. Starvation via gelato
93. "There it is, and I said"
94. AirDrop dem pics
95. The other fish aren't like Leonardo *sighs melodramatically*
96. The long way to pee
97. Jumpin' through the middle like SM
98. Saltless in Spoleto...
99. Gelato where art thou?
100. Slap that rat
101. Ratchet Celeste
102. "Breaking necks, getting yachts"
103. Orange is the new white
104. Celeste goes commando
105. Jumpin' out the window
106. We're not out of the woods yet
107. "Not violated, just tingly"
108. Dalec is jet-lagged (no, it's not a typo)
109. GUM (Get sUM)
110. I broke Grady Hawthorne
111. Alessandro vs. Lisa FIGHT!
112. Espresso via Ale and Jim
113. Socialist gum
114. Iron chef: Italia via Francesco
115. Iron chef...photographer: Italia via Paulo
116. Legs + Italian Boys = slaying
117. "Not dicks, I'm talkin' aqueducts"
118. "6 dicks per aqueduct...the hell?!"
119. 22:29, Italy, Spoleto, Aqueduct: all is quiet on the western front
120. Hotel #3...the last ooooooone
121. THE KEY DOESN'T WORK
122. Grady and Keaton can't flush
123. "Don't count your apples before they hatch"
124. Coins be back-flippin' at Trevi
125. Flopping in the frat house
126. Keaton...darling...it's a pedal...
127. Cris metaphorically cuddles a metaphorical banana
128. "She's like a pulp communist"
129. When in Rome.....................
130. "It's really turns me on, that's why"
131. 'Come in', she says to the LOCKED DOOR
132. Keat Keat MoFo, Keat Keat GoDa
133. "The rare penis in the Vatican"
134. "I think I'd do it in a coffin"
135. Singing Pompeii in Pompeii
136. The bathrooms have darkened my soul
137. French girl's, Italian boy's, German teen's
138. Polio blankets equal death
139. Celeste cries into the hole
140. FIRST CLASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
141. Jim dropped the cookie
142. The rest of the plane is living hell
143. RIP my phone
144. Planes Trains and Automobiles
145. Ditched in Detroit, but home at last...probably

P.S. 145 = 1+4+5 = 10 = 10 days on the trip...coincidence? Or...*raises voice to higher pitch*
IIIIILLLLLUUUUUMMMMMMMAAAAAANNNNNNAAAAAATTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!?!?!?!

Day 7: When in Rome 😏

Friday, April 1st, 2016

We meant to leave early, we really did. Such good intentions. Actually, I think we got to Rome by 11am, so not a big deal. But not before Alec and I ran down to the Mecato, only to find out the car shop he wanted to see was closed. Then all the way back up to the hotel, then to buy a postcard. Then back to the Mercato where they wouldn't give him stamps until he bought another postcard that I kept (thanks Alec), then talk to an Italian lady about her cat Frikay, and then all the way back to the hotel. We were busy. Not to mention a final walk across the aquaduct. 

Once in Rome, we were off to the coliseum. The kids went in and walked around a while, but I swear they have some IKEA-type flow in the there because once we went down the stairs, there was no way back up. Or not one we found anyway. Then we got a photo with these random French photo bombers. 

Next dad and I bartered a selfie stick down to 2€, so at that point we simply had to buy it. The results were glorious in the Roman forum.

At that point, we lost Jim and Lisa for a little while. Where'd you go mom and dad? (They didn't come in the forum with us). So we sat outside the forum and listened to street musicians. Until we heard a distinct voice singing along with some obscure polka song. Significance? Only my dad would know the words to an obscure polka song on the streets of Rome and go on to sing it in an intentionally wobbly faux opera voice. We were reunited. (FYI all this happened in the span of about 3 minutes. I drew it out for dramatic effect). Then we walked by the wedding cake and explored the pantheon. And then, to take a leaf out of the French boys' book, we photo bombed this lovely class of European teenagers. Lol we're in their class pic 😂 I'm amused. 

So we're the boys standing next to us 😏 We ended the night at Trevi Fountain, and since we all through in a coin over our shoulders, we're all sure to return. 

Xoxo,

Cristiana

Day 6: Spoleto

Thursday, March 31st, 2016

Today we had a bomb time learning to make handmade strangotzzi pasta with our chef friend, Francesco, in Alessandro's bar.

Lol it was a quiet day in the bar, but the people there were really interested in what we were doing. It wasn't long before one of the waitresses and Alessandro were helping us make the sauce. Not to mention we got aprons and Alec got a t-shirt. 

All in all, we were fans. Big success. 

Then we buzzed off down the street to our photography lesson with our friend Pierre Pualo. We ended up driving over to to close-by town of Bavania. 

We then went back to the hotel, and being our last night, Keaton stayed in, but the rest of us wandered and later down flat in the piazza in front of the duomo. Humbling. Great day. 

- Cristiana

Day 5: Spoleto

Wednesday, March 30th, 2016

I almost died of coughing last night. It was a sad tale of me staying up to 4am. Long story short, it was a late start to the day. Although shout out I Alec for bringing me breakfast. The first stop in the agenda was the Spoleto Duomo. 

Then we got gelato, and then we lost Alec. But don't worry, we found him again back at the hotel. "Remember when I said I'm going back to the hotel and I'll meet you there and then you came in 10 minutes later wondering where I went" -Alec Norelius, 3/31/16. Then we decided to drive up to the the old monastery in what we call the Druid forest. And then we hiked around looking for the grottos where Saint Anthony and Saint Francis are said to have hermitted. Then us ragazzi minus Grady hiked about an hour down the mountain, across the acquaduct and into Spoleto, stopping only for Celeste to take a pee in the woods.

 And to take this picture. Then we rested up for a while, before going back to Monte Falco for dinner with Alessandro at a real swanky joint. And more gelato, bien sure. 

- Cristiana

Day 4: Florence and Spoleto

Tuesday, March 29th, 2016

So today we got up at the crack of 7:30 and we were off by 8. We booked it to the Academia to see the David. Which was, you know, awesome. They also had an extensive collection of plaster molds which was really interesting to see. 

I forgot that marble statues were often made from plaster models. It just gave me an even greater appreciation for those artists. Then it was off to the duomo again, because we wanted to climb the dome! Except the line was crazy long so we climbed the bell tower instead. Which just about did me in. I seriously think it almost killed me. And at one point there was this grate right? You stood on it and could look about 5 stories down the bell tower. Well on the way up, Alec jumped on it. And then on the way down I was like, I should make the most of my time here, do whatever I can before we have to leave. And then I tried to jump in it. But then I was stopped with the explanation that I shouldn't do everything Alec does. I'm a lot salty about it and it's a real sore subject for me. Then it was back down for to see Santa Crochet and Galileo, Dante, and Michelangelo's  tombs, among others.  

Machiavelli's tomb

Rossini's tomb

Then we rushed to catch the shuttle back to our hotel, and on we went to Spoleto.on the way, we stopped at the near by town of Montefalco, where our good friend Alessandro lives. He gave us free gelato. Finally, we got to Spoleto. Right away, we were able to hop out of the car and walk around the town, and drink out of the fountains. (Side note- Celeste is not drinking the tap water. But she is drinking out of the fountains). We had a good dinner at La Peciarta of strangotzzi, a regional pasta. Yum! 

Ciao,

Cristiana 

Day 4

Italy is so beautiful. We climbed the bell tower of the duomo. Roughly 500 steps later, we were at the top and saw a perfect view of Florence. We also saw the statue of David (he's got the booty). We drove to a smaller town to meet the hawthorne's friends and for heavenly gelato (and Leonardo: Cristiana's lover). We finally made it to Spelado and had amazing regional pasta. We explored the hilly city on foot. After walking along the aqueduct, we had one more trip into town for some more gelato. 

~Celeste 

Keaton Vlog 3