The Blog Blog (as commissioned by the Hawthorne Foundation) (warning: expletives are included)

I wish you good luck at understanding even half of this...enjoy?

1. Security, airport, Italy? Maybe.
2. Mucho friendo at the airport...o
3. Flight: 1; Height: 25,000 ; Bite: none
4. The most cameras ever to exist in one place (400+?)
5. 6 hour layover, Panda Express all day long
6. "Do you see? That's weed."
7. Hit up the flight lounge
8. Someone got fired at Jamba......awkward
9. Flight 2: FLIGHT HARDER
10. It's raining cigarettes and daffodils
11. Volkswagen.....caravelle?
12. Jim stalled the car...again
13. On the road (not again)
14. Celeste struggles with ordering
15. To France we go. How Nice.
16. Book of questions
17. Novotel
18. Level up. +2 Hawthornes
19. Looooots of rain
20. Beach...lots o' rocks
21. Monaco traffic is a thing
22. Yacht yacht yaya ya yacht
23. FERRARI
24. Crazy drivers
25. Keaton as a child is cray
26. Duct tape is useful
27. It's raining! Quick, Noah, get the ark!
28. Gas station wifi is bae
29. No food, water, sleep...2 days
30. Damn Jim, back at it again with the white van (literally)
31. I don't smile in pictures? Meh...debatable.
32. Hotel? Motel? Holiday Inn?
33. "Puff dust is a gateway drug"
34. "Metaphorical cuddling"
35. I got my oooooown room
36. Pizza with Umberto and Rudolpha
37. Cristiana is a germaphobe of the highest degree (we are talking PhD level here)
38. I AM CLEAN THANK JÉSÜS
39. The whole room is wet
40. Black and white Italian soap operas
41. I didn't want eggs for breakfast...
42. Squeaky chairs
43. More rain, hip hip hooray
44. Indiana Jonesing the garage door
45. Jim is on a slip and slide
46. MORE WIFI
47. "The pizza is sideways"
48. "Hello Pisa we're here for your tower"
49. Chillin' in the backseat, minus Rebecca
50. Bigger Bonsai
51. "Oh fuck, that's a time lapse"
52. Puff puff puff puff COAT
53. "What's in the pocket? Pocket."
54. Grady's floppin' the flip
55. Not-so-private butt grope
56. Celeste dropped the tower
57. 'Stay off the grass' is relative
58. "Playboy, you wanna buy a watch?"
59. "Look at that boat, not in the water!"
60. Silence is rampant
61. Flica-flaca-Florence
62. Guantanamo Grady
63. I got the best room (little sliced strawberries)
64. Italians always being late like
65. The Devil took the holy water
66. Lady's gelato spiked with laxatives?
67. Celeste vs. guard. Guard wins
68. The fanciest of museums
69. 6 point something miles walked
70. Celeste is pregnant with HIM
71. "I don't share drinks"
72. Honk honk beep beep
73. U-Boats on the bridge?
74. Real life eBay
75. Gots me a wallet
76. Round 2: security guard got fired
77. Don't stop till the bus stop stop
78. Chillin' in the back seat part two
79. Carpet makes Celeste uncomfy
80. FREE FOOD FROM FLORENCE
81. Whoozy Jacuzzi not so whoozy
82. "Don't touch my elbow"
83. Shaved or unshaved thighs?
84. Boopin' the freckle
85. Is this a blog? Nah...
86. Upside downside leftside what?
86. "What is motem"
88. Steps to victory
89. "But dad, Alec jumped on the grate!"
90. Bad influence
91. T-minus 18 minutes
92. Starvation via gelato
93. "There it is, and I said"
94. AirDrop dem pics
95. The other fish aren't like Leonardo *sighs melodramatically*
96. The long way to pee
97. Jumpin' through the middle like SM
98. Saltless in Spoleto...
99. Gelato where art thou?
100. Slap that rat
101. Ratchet Celeste
102. "Breaking necks, getting yachts"
103. Orange is the new white
104. Celeste goes commando
105. Jumpin' out the window
106. We're not out of the woods yet
107. "Not violated, just tingly"
108. Dalec is jet-lagged (no, it's not a typo)
109. GUM (Get sUM)
110. I broke Grady Hawthorne
111. Alessandro vs. Lisa FIGHT!
112. Espresso via Ale and Jim
113. Socialist gum
114. Iron chef: Italia via Francesco
115. Iron chef...photographer: Italia via Paulo
116. Legs + Italian Boys = slaying
117. "Not dicks, I'm talkin' aqueducts"
118. "6 dicks per aqueduct...the hell?!"
119. 22:29, Italy, Spoleto, Aqueduct: all is quiet on the western front
120. Hotel #3...the last ooooooone
121. THE KEY DOESN'T WORK
122. Grady and Keaton can't flush
123. "Don't count your apples before they hatch"
124. Coins be back-flippin' at Trevi
125. Flopping in the frat house
126. Keaton...darling...it's a pedal...
127. Cris metaphorically cuddles a metaphorical banana
128. "She's like a pulp communist"
129. When in Rome.....................
130. "It's really turns me on, that's why"
131. 'Come in', she says to the LOCKED DOOR
132. Keat Keat MoFo, Keat Keat GoDa
133. "The rare penis in the Vatican"
134. "I think I'd do it in a coffin"
135. Singing Pompeii in Pompeii
136. The bathrooms have darkened my soul
137. French girl's, Italian boy's, German teen's
138. Polio blankets equal death
139. Celeste cries into the hole
140. FIRST CLASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
141. Jim dropped the cookie
142. The rest of the plane is living hell
143. RIP my phone
144. Planes Trains and Automobiles
145. Ditched in Detroit, but home at last...probably

P.S. 145 = 1+4+5 = 10 = 10 days on the trip...coincidence? Or...*raises voice to higher pitch*
IIIIILLLLLUUUUUMMMMMMMAAAAAANNNNNNAAAAAATTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!?!?!?!